It’s Only A Season

The first day of fall back in 2022, I tumbled down the stairs right outside my daughter’s bedroom. I lay flat in excruciating agony unable to get up and move. The tears rolling down my face and I’m yelling in pain. My daughter came running out of her room to check on me after she heard the loud sound. I was on my way as I was everyday to the kitchen to make my cup of coffee, get my glass of water and my breakfast for the day. Instead I had to call out of work, crawl to the couch, cry in pain and head out to the emergency room.

I was immobile from that day until that following January. Four months were spent rolling on my office chair scratching up my brand new hardwood floors, scooting down the stairs, crawling on the floor, relying on my son, daughters and wife to help me eat and confined to my bedroom.

The truth is my body was screaming for help! I was not in a happy place. I hadn’t tapped into my joy for a while at this point. I was only working and working and focused on everyone but myself. It served me well, however, I was at the peak of my career-making good money, developing new roles and launched a successful development program that helped almost 90 employees catapult their careers. About half of them have been promoted since. But my health had paid the price. I was at my heaviest, I couldn’t sleep and I was lonely. I had so many people looking up to me that I allowed that responsibility takeover.

Since the fall, which was a season of reflection, inner work to gain peace and time to recreate stability, I’ve been able to make changes that have changed my course. Remembering that this state was temporary was key to getting beyond it. It was tough to be confined to my bedroom like a princess up in the tower who was waiting for Prince Charming to come free me. In my story I had my Queen who took such good care of me. She would bring me everything I needed and stood by me with every crawl, scoot and scooter ride. The people in my development program were a highlight to my story too because I was able to join all three cohort’s 60 hours of training each. I was able to make history with them in this new program that integrated classroom learning, SME practical lessons along with job shadowing and coaching. At work, I was thriving but my internal compass was going bonkers.

After healing, therapy helped me get back on my feet and re-mobilized me. It was the start of a long awaited journey back to my health. Since a knee injury over a decade ago I stopped exercising regularly. Over time I gained about 80lbs. The excess weight was yet another way I made myself invisible. I hid behind the weight as to be safe. I just hadn’t realized it. I thought it was the knee injury that kept me from looking my best but it was a childhood trauma that kept me there. Thankfully this new injury didn’t set me back another decade. Instead it was the first time I felt good about myself after I was able to walk again. I had taken for granted all my body had done for me and I was allowing the disrespect to it to hold me back from respecting myself and honoring me. My last day of physical therapy was so sad because someone had taken care of me the way I didn’t know how. He didn’t know me but we became good acquaintances. He was so caring and even offered to help my daughter get a job if she was interested. I realized that I needed to take care of myself too.

Getting back on my feet has been a long journey and has meant that I have taken control of myself again. I had only learned to love myself through the validation from others but in the past two years I am a different person altogether. The fractured bone was indicative of my own brokenness. Thankfully it gave me to time, reflection and momentum to get back to me. It showed me that my health is important too. Without me at my peak, I can’t be at the peak for others. Two things can be true, I can be my best version of myself while adding value to others. The seasons come and go but don’t take the life lessons for granted. My season to thrive has arrived.